Catherine O.’s Journal

God is speaking how he's displeased with my wickedness and my making other things my god. He is not pleased when I fail to meet His expectations. I am becoming more aware of my actions than I have been in the past. I use to try and justify my wrongs, but today I know that wrong is wrong, regardless of what it is. In the past I tried to live up to other people expectations, and failed miserably. I had not a clue that I should have been aim for the high expectations which is of God. His expectations are always real and attainable with his help.

God is telling me how BIG HE IS, HE is asking me what kind of house will I build within my body for Him. I always knew that my body was the temple where Christ's spirit lived within me. But I really didn't get the real meaning of this until I started studying with you all. I have not always treated my body with respect. Lord forgive me for disrespecting the body you made and loaned me.

It means to me that God is making himself available to me, and that I have a choice to accept him, or reject him. He is saying I am here for you, all I have I have to do is believe, and trust in him. You know I have had trouble with the phrase "Trust God" now since I have been studying with you all, I now understand it is merely saying trust the Word of God for it is the truth.

This verse reminds me of me when I was trying to live my life without having to be accountable to God. I would often question Him as to why me Lord, I am both motherless and fatherless and I have suffered lots of abuse form many people. Men have treated me as if I was a sack or potatoes, use me get rid of the sack. I had no spiritual understanding that I was bringing a lot of pain to myself by my own actions. I would then take note of this scripture. Lord why do you let people mistreat me, why do you let men that I care about not care about me and love me. I questioned God as why did you take both my parents and leave me in this world by myself. I found my moaning and groaning was too much for me, so much I could not hear the Lord voice when he would speak to me. I went so far to stop praying for God is not listening to me, neither is he going to answer my prayer. Well needless to say my views have changed drastically this very year 2014. My baby boy lost both of his foster parents and his only son, a little while. He was so going through until I feared for his life. As his mother I knew that I had to do something. He was not opened to received anything I had to offer or other family members. He went and committed himself for professional help. He then walked away from that. I felt that I had no choice but to seek God not for me, but for my son's sake. Well I tell you today He did hear and answer that prayer, my son is a young minister, on fire for the Lord. Another time I prayed and know that God answered, I had a little great grandson, born with some physical problems about 2 years ago. The doctor was telling his mom and my son and his wife, the only thing left was to pull the plug on him. I talked with the Lord about how he had made him and knew everything about him. Thank God no plug was pulled, and he's a striving happy child today. He just might be used to save the doctor's life that had the gall to suggest such a thing. Who gave him the right to make a decision like that. I call my great grand son the family miracle child. Before I close I have a need to share another miracle with you. When I lived at 6022 Secrest Short Cut Roan, Monroe Nc. Just a little above my house, there was a hit and run accident, one car flipped over on its top. God was right there. There several children and several aldults in the flipped car, but for the grace of God no one got a pin scratch on them, the hit and run driver was caught by a citizen.

I call this GOD, good orderly directions. It is good to see these things in front of me, and make me take a look at my own life. I have some of these things memorized, but fail to act upon them in the appropriate manner as God will have me. I for one have made the choice of not attending church on Sundays. I always try and justify my actions to say that it is okay, When plainly enough God says forsake not to assemble yourselves together. I have become so stubborn about this until I feel that I am okay with it. I live with my sister right now, she is a faithful church goer. She is always trying to get me to go with her. I don't mind so much the going to church, I just don't want to be forced into it, because of somebody else's way of thinking and their own personal actions. I believe God gives us all a choice as to the things we do as believers

For me I was self willed, strong headed and rebellious. Early on in my spiritual life I was angry with God for taking both of my parents, when I was around 2/3. I felt that God didn't love me so I looked for men to love me. I pursued alcohol, men and cheap hotels for a very long time in my life. I look back now and see that the results were never any good, yet for a long time I was not willing to let these things go. Until one day the Lord Spoke to my conscious, and told me if I take one more drink I would die. I did not want to die drunk. As I sought help through AA, I realized that alcohol was not the problems, I found that I had lot of unaddressed issues in my life. I didn't understand how to face them, talk about them or even resolve them. After I got in the program of AA. My life started to change for the better.

For me I was self willed, strong headed and rebellious. Early on in my spiritual life I was angry with God for taking both of my parents, when I was around 2/3. I felt that God didn't love me so I looked for men to love me. I pursued alcohol, men and cheap hotels for a very long time in my life. I look back now and see that the results were never any good, yet for a long time I was not willing to let these things go. Until one day the Lord Spoke to my conscious, and told me if I take one more drink I would die. I did not want to die drunk. As I sought help through AA, I realized that alcohol was not the problems, I found that I had lot of unaddressed issues in my life. I didn't understand how to face them, talk about them or even resolve them. After I got in the program of AA. My life started to change for the better.