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Thanks for that awesome and honest testimony, Catherine. I didn't lose my parents, but had a lot of childhood abuse that the devil used to make me believe his lie that I was unloved and never good enough. I did most of the things you did both before and after becoming a Christian. It wasn't until God allowed me to get to the end of my rope and I wasn't the one hanging on. That's when I realized that He was there telling me to "let go". That's when I gave Him the end of my leash and told Him that I NEVER want it back, and if I get more than 3" away from HIS perfect will, to yank it. I told Him no matter how much I stamped my feet and cried or complained, to NEVER let go. He showed me a picture of myself as a weed growing between the cracks of the sidewalk. Every time I'd try to make a stand for Christ in my life, the devil would come along with his weed wacker and cut me off. Meanwhile, under the sidewalk, the roots of unloving, bitterness and resentment grew deeper and deeper. He showed me a picture of the Holy Spirit being pure light in the spiritual being like pure oxygen in the natural. No germs can exist in pure oxygen and no sin/hurt can exist under the pure light of the H. S. He said if I open myself up to Him and allow His light to shine down thru those roots, that He'd heal all that hurt. But, if you've ever pulled a weed up by the roots, you know the roots don't grow straight down. They're gnarly and twisted. He showed me that each time His light got to one of those gnarly patches, that I'd experience pain, but after He got past those points, I'd receive healing. I was in so much emotional pain that I said, "yes, Lord, I'm willing". He's taken me down some paths I NEVER even imagined, but I'm much stronger now than ever. I've still got a long way to go, but I can look back over my path and say, "thank You, Jesus". Sorry, I see that was long winded. I also see you're new. Welcome to our forum we're glad you're here. I hope I didn't scare you off with my pontificating.

Great testimonies Catherine and Donna. What I've noticed over the years since my salvation is that those who have been called out of the roughest times are the strongest promotors of the gospel and least likely to crash again, because they know from where or what they were rescued by God. God bless you, Catherine and Donna.

Thanks, Lloyd God bless you too. Those that were forgiven much have much to be thankful for

Thank you Lloyd and Donna for reading my journal. You know God is so good, I have journal enough to print a book, but through some unfortunate circumstance got separated from my writings, now God brings me back to it in a brand new way. Thanks for caring. No Donna, you didn't scare me of. This is a joke ( I have my ears insured, for I am a good listener, I find them to be the most useful member of my body.) laughing

i cannot imagine how painful that must have been for you Catherine. Thanks for sharing with us.

Hello Nancy, yes it was very painful for me. It took lots of counseling and opening up to others and being truthful with myself, and redeveloping my faith in God, that I began to find my healing. All the pain is not gone, but I am rarely aware of it, only when I began to talk about my past life.